I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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