you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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