Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
