This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
