chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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