I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
