Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
