did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
