every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So much Jack, so little girl.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
