I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
