She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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