By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
