Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
