i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
