Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
