Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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