I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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