Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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