i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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