All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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