I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
