Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
