I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
