Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
