i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
