Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
