I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
