I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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