Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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