i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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