he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
