I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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