dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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