the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
