fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
