did you get engaged???
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
