Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
