last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
