I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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