i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
