Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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