I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
