i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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