Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
