You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
