oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
