the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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