i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
