I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize