3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
