U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
