whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
