i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
two words...techno handjob
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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