My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
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She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
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I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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