I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
