i jhust puked up my retainher.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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