my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
