i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
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Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
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I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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