I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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