If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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