mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You did what with his pubic hair?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
