There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
