This is not my ceiling
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
sex in a hospital.. check
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
