Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
