EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
