UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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