I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just found a bag of teeth...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
