I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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