Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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