My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
