I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Who died my cat blue again?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
