Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
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Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
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