My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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