In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
