I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Need sex. Gaining weight.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
