its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
