Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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