ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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