i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize