You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize